Vampires, Werewolves, and Mad Libs OH MY!
by DeadInExistence
Summary: Somehow, Bella is convinced to host a birthday party for Reneesme. And, to top it all off, Bella is forced to take part in a Mad Lib, as well as the rest of the Cullens and the wolves. What chaos will come to our favorite Twilight characters?


**Disclaimer: I don't anyone from Twilight, except Edward**

**Edward: No you don't.**

**Me: (sighs) Can't you AT LEAST give me some credit for writing this?**

**Edward: No.**

**Me: Can I have Jacob then?**

**Edward: No, but you can own a box of crayons.**

**Me: What does that have to do with anything?**

**Edward: It doesn't.**

**Me: UGH! YOU VAMPIRES ARE SO FRUSTRATING AND ANNOYING!**

**Edward: Stephenie Meyers owns me and everything related to Twilight. PLEASE get that through your thick skulls.**

**Me: (sobbing uncontrollably) WHY!?**

_(A huge thanks to one of my favorite spazzes, VICTORIA, or you may know her as __**StarlightFever109**__! She helped spice this up, and wrote the ending, and added some scenes. Thanks Vicky :) I, hereby, dedicate this to you! I hope you feel speial --intended misspelling--)_

_Also, Thanks to Teresa (also known as _**Pandacat15**_) for doing some of the Mad Lib. And I would include Shannon…but Shannon never read Twilight…and doesn't know about Fanfiction…eh, whatever, Shannon did the Mad Lib too ;)._

**Once again, StarlightFever109, YOU KICK ASS!**

**I'm babbling again. Continue onward! **

"Mommy, please? Pretty, pretty please?"

_No Bella, don't fall for it. This is all just a trick, a scheme._ I kept repeating those words in my head.

"Yeah, Bella, _PLEASE_?"

Scowling, I said, "Jacob, don't get involved." I was so not in the mood for him that the words sounded more like a snarl than anything…

It was Reneesme's "birthday," and everyone came over the Cullens' house. Jacob even managed to convince a few wolves to celebrate with us. Of course, I was totally opposed to the idea, but with some persuading from Reneesme and Edward, I regretfully gave in.

Now, convincing me to throw a birthday party for Reneesme was one thing. Playing Mad Libs, however, was a completely different concept. You would have to rip me apart, set my body parts on fire, and make me burn forever in Hell to make me play this game. Now, don't get me wrong, Mad Libs can be somewhat fun…

But playing it here and now? This wasn't going to work out, especially with the two goof balls, Seth and Emmett, playing. God only knows what their creative minds can come up with.

"But Momma…"

Reneesme put on a pout, and it was taking all the strength and resistance I had in me to not to surrender.

"Honey, why don't we play another game?"

"What's wrong with Mad Libs?"

"Nothing, Sweetheart…. It's just "

I didn't get to finish my sentence because, out of nowhere, Seth ran in with a Mad Libs book, screaming at the top of his lungs, "I CALL FIRST!!!!!"

Rolling his eyes, Jacob grabbed the book, and gave it to Reneesme.

"The birthday girl goes first."

Seth huffed. "_Fine_."

Frustrated, I angrily said, "Don't I have any say in this?"

"No," Jacob stated flatly. I didn't like how he was taking charge like that, but I let it go.

I had a small urn to rip him into pieces, when Edward came from behind me, and whispered, "Let them have their fun. We're not going to have another chance to celebrate our little girl's birthday." With that, he spun me around, and kissed the top of my forehead.

Sighing, I gave him a small squeeze, and sat down on the couch, ready to participate in this ridiculous game.

"Okay…so…" Jacob started.

"Nessie, you have to pick a person in the room."

Reneesme smiled the BIGGEST smile I've ever seen and said, "I pick you."

_Of course,_ I thought.

Returning the smile, Jacob wrote it down.

Gazing up towards me, he said, "A place?"

I looked up at the ceiling, suddenly remembering my encounter with James, and replied, "Dance Studio."

Next up was Emmett.

"Emmett, think of an adjective."

"Oh! I know! Constipated!!!"

_Oh my God…_I thought to myself. _I KNEW this was a bad idea…_

Chuckling, Jacob recorded it in the book, and his eyes fell upon Alice. "A noun?"

"A waffle…?" Alice answered, making it sound more like a question.

Shrugging, Jacob wrote more stuff down, and asked Quil, "Can you think of a noun?"

"Hmmmm…a chunk of Galena?"

"A what?" Jacob asked with a confused look on his face.

"Dude," Quil said. "Did you not pay ANY attention in Science class?"

Jacob just stared at him, the confused expression only deepening.

I chimed in with "I guess that's a no…"

"Ughh," Quil said, sounding rather annoyed. "It's a MINERAL!!!!!"

"Oh… OH!!!! I knew that……"

After Quil, Embry had to think of a noun, and he said, "Ummm…. a flying piggy."

Wow. It wasn't even Seth's turn yet, and we already had some Whack-A-Doos coming up with the strangest things I've ever heard of.

Jacob turned to Rosalie and asked, "Part of the Body?"

"Tongue."

Jacob began to question her, but he stopped himself and wrote down her answer. He was about to ask Seth something, when, all of a sudden, his face paled.

"Jacob's what's wrong?" Reneesme questioned.

I cocked my eyebrow up, giving him a "What's going on?" look.

Suddenly, Edward burst out into hysterics from across the room.

Jasper's mouth twitched upward a bit, and he simply said, "Edward, please try to control your amusement."

Trying to compose himself, Edward looked at Seth, and said in a mused voice, "Seth…you have to pick… a… a… part of the body…….."

The whole room was filled with hysterical laughter.

"I choose…PENIS!!!!"

By now, everyone was choking on their own laughter…

Well, except for me. Now, before you go criticizing me, how would _you _feel if someone said this in front of _your_ daughter? Just because Seth has a potty mouth, doesn't mean Nessie has to.

Trying hard not to laugh (and failing miserably), Jacob wrote it down, and laughed even harder at the next word.

"Carlisle, pick a part of the body."

By now, everyone was having a hard time keeping their cool.

"Mustache."

THANK YOU CARLISLE! Bless you for being the mature one in this obnoxiously strange situation!

So, we kept going on. A few odd ones came from everyone else like, "A strange, Peruvian, perverted guy," or, "singing poop." Miraculously, we made it through the Mad Lib. Now was the moment we were all waiting for.

Reading out loud the Mad Lib, Jacob started off, "My Most Embarrassing Moment, by _Jacob Black_."

Uh-oh…this didn't sound good…

Continuing on, Jacob said…

"My most embarrassing moment happened when I got on a bus to a _dance studio_. The bus was very _constipated_ so I stood up and held on to a _waffle_. At the next stop, I saw a _chunk of Galena_ get up, and I ran over to grab his _flying piggy_, but I accidentally jabbed my_ tongue_ into his _penis_—"

Jacob's face was almost paler than all of the Vampires in the room combined at that point, like he was about to faint.

Leah was laughing so hard that she actually _did _faint. Carlisle picked her up, and went into his room with her, looking for something that might help wake her up. No doubt, though, that he was listening intensely to the rest of the Mad Lib.

Clearing his throat and dabbing the sweat that built up on his forehead, Jacob read on bravely. "—and broke his _mustache_. And then, as I was apologizing, the bus came to a _silver_ stop, which caused me to drop my _singing poop_ and fall on top of a _chunky_ lady who was carrying a _Nissan Versa_ on her lap. Believe me; my _strange Peruvian perverted guy_ was red that day!"

The entire room was exploding with laughter. I walked over to Edward, who, at any moment, could fall over and roll around he was laughing so hard. I looked at him and, realizing how completely demoralizing this was to Jacob, I couldn't help but giggle. Edward pulled me into his lap, wrapped his arms around me, kissed my cheek, and said "See? Now aren't you glad I made you let them do this?"

I looked at him for a moment, and said between giggles, "In truth, completely!!!"

We both rocked with laughter. The only person in the entire room who wasn't laughing was Jacob. He just sat there, a frustrated look on his face, and watched helplessly as we laughed. It felt like the house was going to collapse when we finally slowed. Reneesme ran over to the couch where Edward and I were. We both hugged her so tightly, I heard Jacob mutter, "Well don't crush her," under his breath. I looked at him and said "Hey, don't get mad at me. **YOU** agreed to do the Mad Libs." He just glared.

Reneesme looked up at me suddenly, and asked in her beautiful soprano voice, "Momma? What's a penis?"

**(In an ominous voice) To be continued…**

**Reviews and criticism are welcome.**


End file.
